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Maple Bacon-Wrapped Pork Cutlets & Spiced Holiday Gravy-Smothered Egg Noodles

Maple Bacon-Blanket Pork Cutlet & Spiced Gravy-Soaked Egg Noodles
"Bladow!"This is a lengthy-titled recipe because it is full of action-packed deliciousness that will stay in your heart forever! No, seriously it probably will – there’s so much fat and cholesterol (mmm, but beware). Prepare yourself for a gang of marination, pork chop rotation, bacon sensation, artery-cloggeration, and holiday exhilaration – all up in this culinary situation! Bladow!

Maple Bacon-Wrapped Pork Cutlets:

3-4 pork loin cutlets (thick-cut)

6-8 slices of bacon

1/8 cup pure maple syrup

2 Tb unsalted butter

fresh ground pepper

sea salt

Directions: Start a separate pot of boiling water for the egg noodles; cook as directed for al dente and set aside. Melt butter in iron skillet over medium heat. Dry pork cutlets with paper towel; season with salt and pepper. Wrap bacon around cutlets (about 2 pieces each); place in hot skillet. Turn heat down to medium-low and drizzle with half the maple syrup. Brown first side (~10 minutes). Flip cutlets; pour additional syrup over browned side and cook for an additional 10 minutes (or until done).

Ivy Something's Inside Scoop* If you get down with the super thick cutlets like me (dang!), you may need to prop them up on the side of the pan, or create a “snuggle fest” by stacking those chops upright in the center of the pan (until all edges are browned). See photo below, if I sound like a crazy person…and yes, I said “snuggle fest! Just look at those cute lil’ cutlets all huddle together in a pool of sweet maple fat!

 


Bacon-Wrapped Pork Snuggle Fest

As soon as those porkies are done, set aside and wrap in foil to keep warm. Drain all but 3 tablespoons of bacon fat-butter from the pan and get ready to make the gravy!

Spiced Holiday Gravy

Spiced Holiday Gravy

3-4 Tb all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups whole milk

2 Tb apple cider vinegar

2 dashes paprika

1 dash ginger

1 dash nutmeg

1 dash cardamom

1 dash clove

fresh ground pepper

sea salt

Directions: Over medium-low heat, whisk flour into skillet oil to create a thick roux. Pour in milk gradually while whisking until all milk is combined and mixture is lump-free. Add more milk if gravy is too thick. Add all spices; salt and pepper generously. Simmer over medium-low until gravy thickens and is smooth. Add apple cider vinegar and pre-cooked egg noodles; simmer over low-heat for 3-4 minutes.

Spiced Holiday Gravy-Smothered Egg Noodles

Side Dish Inspiration:

Sauteed Shredded Brussels Sprouts

Sautéed Shredded Brussels Sprouts

1 lb fresh brussels sprouts

2 Tb reserved bacon fat

3 Tb balsamic vinegar

fresh ground pepper

sea salt

Directions: Trim brussels sprout stems; remove any damaged leaves. Cut in half and slice thinly into shreddings. Throw into hot skillet with 2 tablespoons reserved bacon fat; cook until tender (~5 minutes). Add balsamic vinegar; turn heat on high and continue to cook for 1-2 minutes. Salt and pepper!

Serving Suggestions:

Put it all on a big plate, unbutton your jeans, pour a glass of sparkling apple cider, and slide right into the Holidays!


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Gravy Barge Arrives Just in Time for the Holidays!

Gravy Truck - Beep Beep!

Happy Holidays to all you darling people out there!
Before we dive into the wildness below, let’s open your holiday card!

Happy Holidays from Ivy Something

Aww, you’re welcome!

I hope your days are filled with mountains of mashed potatoes, buckets of Bûche de Noël, garbage pails of gravyliciousness, and truck beds of holiday turkey-ham! I’m certain there’s more than enough people out there to fill a gravy barge who relate to me and my love for the smothering sauce – and this is why I feel so comfortable expressing some of my deepest secrets here. Wait, did you say gravy barge, Ivy? Does that even exist?!!! Why yes I did – and yes it does! And here is one to prove it!

Ivy Something's USS Gravy Barge

Ivy Something's USS Gravy Barge

Ok, so maybe I didn’t fool all you seasoned Photoshop gurus out there, but I bet I had some of ya for a second!

Today marks year two-in-a-row for spending my holidays away from my hometown and family, so I’ve been on quite the reminiscing roll lately. San Francisco is a marvelous place to spread your holiday cheer around, (you can smear it across the entire 7-mile city in just under an hour – which means more time to ride the gravy barge). However, nothing beats going back home to my folks in Florida, where both brown and white gravy resides at pretty much any restaurant, coffee shop, truck stop, parking lot – you name it! Ah, there’s such a carousel of fine memories to share, but since it’s Gravy Friday I think I’ll stick to the ones that just happened upon the table cloth…

When grandma’s gravy boat hit that tablecloth during the Holidays, the true fun unfolded. My mind would explode like confetti, full of exciting questions and analytical break-downs such as:

  • If I pass the turkey tray over the gravy boat with my left hand, will it cast a dark enough shadow to hide my right hand while it grabs the gravy before anyone else?
  • If I don’t get to that gravy boat first, what are the chances there will be any gravy skin left for me?
  • If the gravy skin is gone, how long must the gravy sit untouched before the magical skin reappears?
  • How much longer are we going to say grace?
  • Why is there only one gravy boat for 20 people?
  • Will granddaddy sling extra servings of gravy in his eyebrows again and claim he’s saving it for later?
  • Look at how the candlelight shimmers off the tiny bubbles of gravy oil, like city lights on a brown velvet hill…

I wish I could say that these thoughts only existed during my childhood, but they actually followed me well into my late teens – and some still linger today (especially the gravy skin question). However, this is rather normal brainwork for a gravy enthusiast! It’s not like I’m conjuring up schematics to a gravy bomb on my napkin. I’m just pondering the daily concerns of  a woman’s life in a gravy world. Just in case you will be wondering, I have many more of these ponderings to share with you in the near future. But for now…

Alas! The mental scrapbooks are going back into the closet, and it’s time unleash a special Holiday Gravy Friday Recipe for all you good boys and girls (and naughty ones too)! Now that I think of it, this recipe is very naughty…

Bacon-Wrapped Pork Loin Cutlets over Spiced Holiday Gravy-Smothered Egg Noodles

Maple Bacon-Blanket Pork Cutlet & Spiced Gravy-Soaked Egg Noodles

Fear the Bird! Thanksgiving with the Giants No. 1 Fans (Epic Video Included)

A Place for Everyone

These past two Thanksgivings I’ve received the utmost honor to join some wonderful friends out in the lovely North Central Valley of California. In a place known as “Zinfandel Capital of the World”, robust excitement is guaranteed to go down. Participating in this local family’s tradition is incredibly special to me, since all my family members reside in the Southern US. With airlines demanding $800 a seat, I often become the California orphan during the holidays; but thanks to these friends, Little Orphan Ivy is no more! I wish everyone could’ve been there with me yesterday, so I’m gonna share my favorite memories.

Last year’s selection of deliciously prepared food, rare games like bocci ball and cornhole, endless views of grape vines spilling into the horizon, abundant wine flowing like water, and abdominal-piercing humor at the talent show had me seriously glowing for weeks. This year was just as fun: one-hand croquet (the other hand was for your wine glass), a game of pool in the barn, an improv jam session with lyric books provided, and healthy homemade food followed by heart-melting desserts. These unique Thanksgiving events bring everyone together, as it’s not only members from one family that attend, it’s also open to those who have wandered outside of their own traditional family gatherings. It’s sort of a rebel Thanksgiving, if you will – exploding with a vibrant cornucopia of charm, laughter, and togetherness. It’s a place where you find yourself effortlessly dropping your inhibitions and formalities at the door; a place to find freedom, happiness, and let your inner child come out and say, “Hey mom! I’m no longer gonna sit at the kid’s table, but I’m still gonna act-a-fool!”

Fruit Strike

Fruit Strike!

This year was extra special, given that the SF Giants just won the World Series and the thrill of it all still remains as fresh as the San Francisco fog. A Giants-themed Thanksgiving was inevitable. Appropriately coined of course as “Fear the Bird“, yesterday’s party was a Giants fan free-for-all, some new and some well-seasoned, but all came full with the spirit of the Giants.

As we gathered around with our delicious butternut squash soups, fresh turkey, apple cider gravy, mounds of cranberry relish, and sherry mushroom risotto, everyone shared detailed and colorful stories of their personal fulfillment and nearly-blinding joy that took place the exact moment the Giants claimed the World Series title. Although my own Giants moment was a delayed joyous reaction, beginning as a realization that I lived in the ghetto when my neighbors starting shooting real guns outside; however, the drama subsided quick and the joy did set in. I didn’t share my moment at the table yesterday for fear of throwing off the topic, so I’m borrowing the textual real estate here since you’re still reading. Thanks for letting me have my moment. 😀

The black-and-orange-filled home was adorned with Giants gear, special effects, personalized name cards, Giants figurines jiggling their heads while I got seconds on gravy, orange pom-poms, lapel pins, black beards, and yes, even an orange thong (which has a special cameo in the video below)! Basically, not a single inch was left un-Giantized.

Aside from the mind-blowing array of specialty cheeses from Point Reyes and France scattered across the piano (which offered mouth-watering medleys to blend on crisps and crackers), we all still managed to out-cheese the cheese itself! This very special, once-in-a-lifetime SF Giants Thanksgiving was not about to end without some way to forever document the hilariousness and raw spirit of it all! What better way to do that than to grab the talented cameraman in the family and assign him the job?!

Making Room for Round 2!

When the creative chaos unrolled, I found myself somehow wearing a panda mask that the Obama cardboard cut-out was sporting earlier in the evening. I was then shuffled into the kitchen nook to stand on my X and await my cue. We were given lyric sheets to Ashkon’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’, a couple minutes to brainstorm our parts to match the lyrics, and one practice. It all went down in a matter of minutes and was over before we even realized what happened. There was one continuous shot that captured it all. It was honestly the closest I’ve felt to reliving my childhood and being a sports fan all at the same time!

Fear the Bird! An SF Giants Thanksgiving


[Filmed by Clayton W. / Original music by: Ashkon – Don’t Stop Believing (Official Giants 2010 Anthem)]

A special thanks to the Worfolk family and everyone attending for the great memories and wild times.

Traditional Walk to the Oak Tree Down Yonder


Cuckoo for Cocoa Gravy! (Recipe Inside)

Spicy Chocolate Gravy Over Crumpet

Chocolate gravy?! Well in all my born days…

If you have yet to hear of chocolate gravy, let’s take care of that right now. We’ve all slathered our pancakes with sweet maple syrup, smeared our toast with Nutella™, and peanut-buttered-and-jellied our bread, right? Well then there’s no reason why you have not chocolafied your gravy! If it sounds too weird, just try and think of it like hot chocolate pudding, or a sweet cream gravy like Béchamel sauce – all gone cuckoo for cocoa. Tasting homemade chocolate gravy may bring you one step closer to gravy utopia, “This I promise you.” (quote courtesy of ‘N Sync).

Before we dive in first, some Chocolate Gravy 101!

There are a few different theories on its origin:

  • Began in the homes of the Appalachian Mountains and the Deep South about 100 years ago (around the time Hershey’s Cocoa Powder made its way into the country pantry)
  • Influenced by the Spanish roots of Louisiana merging with the Tennessee Valley
  • Possibly passed on from the Appalachian Melungeons as far back as the 16-17 century

One thing’s for sure though. Chocolate gravy is:

  • freaking delicious over biscuits, toast, bacon, and even eggs! (I also like it poured over crumpets)
  • a real special treat for Sunday morning
  • a nearly forgotten southern tradition that needs your sweet lil help to survive (Viva la internet!)

Now, let’s get out your iron skillet, sauce pan, or double boiler (for the burn-prone) and make some gravy!

This is a tried-and true recipe, modified by myself with an added ‘kick’. As most recipes go, it’s open for room to experiment!

Ivy Something’s Spicy Chocolate Gravy

  • 1/3 cup cocoa powder (or more, depending on how chocolafied you want your gravy!)
  • 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 2/3 cup organic powdered sugar (granulated also works just fine)
  • 2 cups whole milk
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons sweet cream butter (or bacon fat)
  • 1 teaspoon pure vanilla
  • salt (to taste)
  • a few hefty dashes of cayenne pepper

Directions:

  1. Heat skillet or sauce pan over medium-low heat, add butter (or bacon fat) until melted.
  2. Sprinkle in flour slowly and whisk until smooth.
  3. Add chocolate and sugar, whisk until fully blended and cook for about 1-2 minutes, careful to not burn.
  4. Slowly add milk, whisk continuously to prevent lumps.
  5. Add vanilla, salt, and cayenne.
  6. Cook a few minutes until gravy becomes thick. Whisk in more milk for a thinner gravy.

Ivy Something's Inside Scoop

  • If your gravy ever comes out lumpy, just whirl it in the blender until smooth!
  • For added excitement, add crumbled bacon! This is not a trend – bacon and chocolate gravy have a long harmonious history together!

You may also find and share this recipe at Food.com

 

Serving Suggestions:

  • Pour over hot biscuits, crumpets, toast, pancakes, eggs, bacon, your face – anything you please!
  • Put it in a fancy bowl and pretend you’re on the farm with Zsa Zsa Gabore!

“Chocolate gravy is the place to be!”

I dedicate this Gravy Friday to my chocolate-loving friend, Emilee Schumer. She was the inspiration (and 5-star hospitality) behind it all.

Does your family have a prized chocolate gravy recipe? I’m drooling to hear about it!

Gravy Friday GONE WILD Edition!

Sultry Gravy Jar Running a Hot Bath

You better hide Grandma's skillet! This gravy is edition is WILD!

With Halloween approaching, I thought it’d be a great time to unleash the freaky side of gravy. I am often guilty of making gravy that is nearly too hot for the kitchen, yet alone the average gravy post. Those who already follow my facebook might know what I’m talking about. Today, I will unleash some of the FREAKIEST, SEXIEST, and HOTTEST gravy in the WORLD! If there are any children in the room, you might want to ask them if the mail has arrived and have them go outside and check…

Below you will see 100% exclusive GRAVY GONE WILD photographs!

ALL ORIGINAL, RAW, UNCENSORED GRAVY ACTION!

CATCH SOME OF MY HOTTEST GRAVY:

• RAW IN THE KITCHEN
• NUDE IN THE SKILLET
• DRIPPING DOWN MASHED POTATO MOUNTAINS
• SMOOTHERING EVERYTHING
• AND MORE!

No need to become a member – you can see it all below…


Golly Gee Willikers, that’s some FREAKY GRAVY! 100% RAW and ready to boil!

Wild & Crazy Creamy Spinach Gravy w/ Meatballs!

Wild & Crazy Creamy Spinach & Onion Gravy w/ Meatballs!

Oh my! Look at those luscious gravyfalls pouring down the mountain!

Creamy Spinach & Onion Gravy w/ Meatballs over Mashed Potatoes

Hot Creamy Lake of Freaky Gravy over Mashed Potatoes

Party Gravy is always a hit! No surface goes untouched…

Hamburger Gravy, dripping down luscious mashed potato mountainHamburger Gravy, dripping down Mount Velvety Mashed Potatoland

My goodness, such shameless gravy! Bare naked in the skillet…

Nude & Ready To Rock Your Biscuits!

Bare Naked Skillet Gravy

Gravy so slick and steamy, it causes a biscuit avalanche!

Photo by Ill-esha

Photo by Ill-esha

I bet you always wondered how gravy takes a bath?

Drumroll…

REVEALED!

Sultry Gravy Jar Running a Hot Bath

Sultry Gravy Jar Running a Hot Bath

Whew! That sure was steamy hot! I think it’s time for a cold shower.

Do you know about some freaky gravy as well? Do tell!

Stay tuned for the recipes to these scandalous gravy concoctions! And always, keep submitting your gravy material for future post consideration! Much more gravy this way comes…

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